Three Perspectives For Good Mental Health

The Big Three

When it comes to managing emotions we have two options: to ignore or to accept.

When we choose to ignore our emotions, we are choosing to fight with them, run from them, or become numb to them. None of these strategies work well long term and they often have negative consequences.

When we choose the acceptance route we are deciding to show up, we are taking a look at ourselves and what our feelings mean about who we are. Although the acceptance route is often the healthier choice, it is also the more challenging one in the moment. When things get hard emotionally and we are feeling stuck the following strategies can often help us to keep moving.

Objectiveness:

True objectiveness can be hard to find. Our emotional experiences and self concept often make it hard for us to take a step back from what’s going on around us and look at the bigger picture.

Some questions to ask when trying to find a more objective view point might be things like;

-Am I thinking about the worst case scenario right now?

-Is what I’m telling myself/thinking about right now helping me solve my problem?

-Is it possible that I’ll feel differently about this situation in a hour? tomorrow? next week?

A core component of objectiveness is trying to find an “observing” mindset. We want to observe our thoughts as things that show up, not necessarily things that we need to believe or things that are true just because we they came to our mind in that mind.

Radical Acceptance:

The idea of radical acceptance is simple; accept the things you cannot change and move on with life. Simple, not easy! Radical acceptance does not mean you agree with the things that have happened to you or that you are at peace with them, it simply means you have made the choice to move on from them because it’s in your best interest. Radical acceptance is based on the wisdom that moving on from the difficult things that happen in our lives is as difficult as it is worthwhile.

Compassionate Self-Talk:

We all experience automatic negative thinking, worst case scenario thinking, and critical self talk. Paying attention to when these types of thinking patterns show up is the first step to responding to them effectively. While some people believe it’s best to “just be positive” about everything in life, it can be difficult to maintain this level of optimism/enthusiasm. Instead, it’s often helpful to imagine a friend with a similar problem, or a friend feeling a similar emotion and ask ourselves how we would respond to them in this moment. Would we be critical of their mistakes? Point out all their flaws? Tell them they behaved stupidly and repeatedly voice disbelief? Probably not… especially if we want to be a good friend. The easiest way to remember this strategy is to ask yourself- “Would I talk to someone I love, respect, and care about this way?” If the answer is no, then you should do your best to take a few moments to reflect on the situation, perhaps imagine what a friend or loved one would say to you in this difficult moment.

It All Comes Together:

Whether you’ve been in counseling for years or you’ve never spoken to anyone else about your challenges these perspectives can be helpful to explore independently or with the help of a professional.

Personally, I believe these three perspectives are the most important places to start working with new clients and are at the core of my practice.